And then there were four!

Less than a year ago I was a lone Web surfer looking for help or guidance about how I should bring up my gender non-conforming child, I felt lost, lonely and confused.

Since then I met my lovely friend who has a MTF daughter – it was great to realise that I was not alone and that other parents feel and deal the same as me.

Today we became four – four women from four different walks of life, four different children, four different ages and two different genders. We met, we chatted and although we are all at different stages of the journey we all felt the unity, the togetherness and the weight that is lifted when you share your own experiences with others.

Today was a good day!

Wow what a week . . . .

So this week after shamelesly promoting myself online an amazing thing happened . . . . I actually inspired someone else to detail her own journey!

The main reason I started this blog was in the hope of helping other family’s, when I was initially struggling to come to terms with Ben being Ben I endlessly searched the net for help / advice and found it very difficult to find real life stories. I found a couple of ancient US blogs but there seemed nothing in the UK, nothing current, nothing real – I was not ready to join a parents forum, I didn’t feel comfortable putting myself out there. I just wanted to read others stories from the comfort of my trusty sofa and be reassured that what I was going through, what Ben was going through was okay . . . . I didn’t find it.

I have changed that now for others and I feel extremely proud!

We have set a date for our first parent support group (yikes!) more info on that to follow!

I was also lucky enough to watch Ben interact with a new friend who came to play today, she is MTF (male to female) and the same age as Ben. Before they arrived I told Ben that the little girl who was coming to play was just like him, she used to be a boy and is now a girl – I could tell straight away that he was happy about the meeting. When she arrived it was like they had known each other forever, kindred spirits, they ran off and played – I found them in a tent, in a den just chatting – they now want to see each other every day! I am so happy about the way our journey has been so far and I am now strong enough to build the bonds between myself and other family’s. I know that is not as easy for some and that I / we are very lucky but I hope that my strength can help support others who need it.

Long may our new found friendship continue.

Thank you!

Wow,

I totally hate self promotion but this week I got the first comment on my blog and it was from a total stranger – I was so moved by his words that I decided to share on facebook with my friends and family and the response was amazing! Over 90 people viewed the blog that day alone and people wrote the most beautiful words mostly about me as a parent . . . . for once it wasn’t all about Ben, it was actually about me and it felt good! It is moments like that that make you realize that you are doing the best thing, it keeps all those paranoid ghosts at bay and makes you feel on top of the world.

Thank you, thank you to me wonderful friends, my wonderful family, thank you to the people aropund us who are making our lives easier and thank you to the man who gave me my first ever bloggers comment – honestly you don’t know how much it meant, well actually now you do ha!  x

Gay rights age 5!

Proud mummy moment that happened recently!

B came home from school the other day telling me that he had been involved in an argument with a couple of friends because they had told him that he was not allowed to marry a boy, they said boys cant marry boys and girls cant marry girls – B was horrified that they didn’t know they were wrong!

Its sad that so many children even in this day and age are still stuck in the 1920’s but people like Ben are a shining light, helping others understand the world in a different way and accepting others for who they are.

The end result was the teacher setting the record straight and the following day one of the other boys offering a proposal of marriage!

Gay rights age five, you’ve got to love it!

A Moment

A funny thing happened this weekend at the swimming pool when a young child refered to Ben as she, in the past this would have been nothing to mention but now that Ben has short hair and particularly when he is wearing swimming shorts it just never happens anymore and when it does I am never sure if there will be a major kick off or not (In the past we had many of these!) The parent of the child was quick to correct the little one was having none of it  “no daddy she honestly, really is a girl” came her reply, Dad looked at me apologetically and I smiled back! Ben continued to get out of the pool but then the two children locked into a lasting stare as he stood on the side of the pool . . . . . in the changing rooms worried I asked Ben how he felt about it, thinking he would have felt uncomfortable or annoyed or something but nope, he said he liked it, he said he thought the girl knew – another reminder that I should not be so quick to think I know how my child will feel or what he will think and rather than instantly think the worst I should just go with the flow!

I wonder if she really did know! Strange!

A beautiful short film

BOY is about sixteen years old Emilie who is a transgender and comes out of the closet to her mother during a family lunch. The film premiered at Scandinavia’s largest cinema Imperial Theatre in Copenhagen on June 18, 2014. The director and co-writer Lucas Helth Postma was only 15 at the time.

Im so glad that Ben will never have to go through this! Transitioning so your is a blessing.

Today is a good day . . .

While enjoying a coffee and some rare child free time today in town I was struck by an overwhelming sense of contentment and pride. Pride in both myself and my child. I feel so happy that I was blessed with the ability to let Ben find and be happy with his true gender self.

Up until recently I would have said that this is not the life path I would have chosen for my child and would have talked about how hard the road ahead would be but today I ask myself ‘is this the life you would have chosen for your child’ and hand on heart my answer would be yes.

Yes I wanted my child to be strong & thoughtful, yes I wanted them to be happy & respectful, Yes I wanted them to be brave & compassionate, yes I wanted them to be confident & determined, yes I wanted them to learn that the world is full of unique individuals, and yes I wanted them to stand up and say THIS IS ME!

Gender creative children should be celebrated, they know who they are and are not afraid to stand up to our gender binding world and say no that’s not me, no I don’t fit in your boxes and no I wont be told how to live or who to be – I feel truly blessed to have Ben in my life – I know that there may be bumps along our road but we will navigate them through open communication, listening and acceptance.

Today is a good day!

And again – well done BBC

Excellent news that Eastenders is set to have a transgender character played by a transgender actor – good work BBC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/31686408

How can I help!

OMG it’s happened for the first time – a friend of a friend has been given my details in the hope that I can give them some help and advice with dealing with a gender creative child. I feel so happy that I can be there to support another parent and be the source of information / strength that I longed for in the beginning!

I guess a Ben update is in order – Ben is still Ben, he is nearly 5 and getting on amazingly well at school. His peers appear to have no problem with his gender and he seems to have been accepted as one of the boys.

He tells me he has been using the boys toilets at lunchtime (something that I really want to feel okay about but am really not sure if I am!) when I quizzed him about it his reply was “I don’t stand up mum because I don’t have a willy, I just go in the cubicle obviously” (that’s me told) I have decided that at this point as they are only 4/5 it does not matter if he uses the boys toilets however  have had to have a discussion about private parts and not showing them to others! (something I did not expect to be doing this early!)

We have started our sessions with the Gender specialist and although at the moment due to Ben’s age we are in a watch, wait and see situation it feels good to know that we have the support there if / when we need it. It was not a straightforward process as it required a doctors referral to a child psychologist (which took 21 weeks) who then did an assessment and decided that no Ben was not mentally ill (surprisingly) he just did not feel comfortable with the body he was assigned at birth and who then finally refered us to the specialist. Fantastic! It does however make me sad that my own doctors reaction to me saying I thought my child had gender dysphoria was “well I have children, they want to be different things all the time, just tell her she’s a girl and stop letting her wear boys clothes” Helpful! Luckily I had read up on this via a parents group online and politely asked the doc if she had ever worked with young people with gender issues – obviously she had not so again politely I asked her for the referral to someone who might know what they were talking about!

We have our first parents meeting in the summer – I am very unsure how I feel about this, I  don’t know if I want to be forced into being friends with people just because we have children who have similar issues but at the same time I am interested to speak to people who have been through it and know what to expect next . . . . I would also love Ben to meet some other children like him, so he know’s that he is not the only boy in the world who was born a girl!

I Want To

Found this beautiful poem tonight and wanted to share – what lovely words to sum up the important things in life!