Mental block!

Ive been mega stressed since you guy’s actually started reading and enjoying the blog that I had to keep writing to keep the interest and the momentum – but the truth is I have nothing to write, I have written so many lines then deleted them and started again but then last night I realised that I have nothing to write because there is nothing to report!

There is no drama, there is no funny tales. At the moment we are just living our lives and enjoying our place in them.

Although I could talk about Gender all day long I feel that the blog will loose its identity if it is just filled with information about Gender Dysphoria –  you can all find that information on a Google search if that is what your looking for.

I guess the point of this post really is for the family’s who are just starting the journey, when every day is filled with tears and confusion and terror of what is to come I am telling you:  IT WILL BE OKAY and one day, like I am now you will find your moment of calm. I think if someone could have told me that when I started this journey it would have given me great comfort – so there it is.

Life is good if we live it the way we want and stop worrying about how other people see us or feel about our choices. as parents we have the right to support our children without judgement and as children they have the right to identify as whoever they are be it boy, girl or neither.

“The person they feel they really are”

I came across this fantastic work by photographer Sarah Wong this week, some beautiful images and a wonderful subject close to my heart (obviously) it was a 9 year project documenting children who live as the opposite gender to the one they were assigned at birth ans is totally worth a look. Stunning!

My favorite quote from the piece is by one of the children photograph:

“I think everyone should be open about it. Especially young kids in classrooms. That way you’ll breed more empathy in schools and everyone will look out for each other. People will be less quick to pass judgment.” – Child

Wise words!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lynzybilling/portraits-of-cross-gender-children-reveal-the-person-they-fe#.yh5R3p4pG

Toilet tales

So, if gender equality is now recognised as a human right (has been since 2010) why oh why is the toilet situation still such an issue?

I recently watched a wonderful video of transgender adults answering a series of ‘most frequently asked’ questions and one of them was “which bathroom do you use” they just laughed.

I have heard an awful story recently of a little girl (MTF) who has recently come out at school and transitioned as a girl who ended wetting herself due to another child not letting her in the girls toilets because the child’s mother had told her that this little girl had a willy! Firstly WTF and secondly why was that parent discussing another child’s genitalia with her daughter! At this child’s school although the school have said she can use the female toilets the parents are in uproar and have very aggressively argued their case for making her use the boys loos!

It appears that when it comes to toilets a lot of people have very strong views, personally I can’t understand it, imagine for a moment living as a boy, wearing a boy’s uniform, having a boy’s name and short hair (essentially BEING a boy) and then having to walk into a toilet full of girls! Surely anyone can see that this is not right?! It would make that child feel like a rabbit in the headlights, I would imagine it would make the other toilet users feel uncomfortable and it draws much more attention to the situation than is needed.

Obviously I understand as children get older there is a safeguarding issue but surely if the child or in fact adult feels comfortable using the toilets of the gender that they live (and why wouldn’t they) then they should be left alone to do so in peace?! And is it really anyone else’s business where they do their business!

At our school we have unisex toilets at the moment but when the time comes there will be no argument where my child will go to toilet, I will allow him to use whichever bathroom he feels comfortable and will expect the school to be behind me, I hope that other parents will not have an issue with it but if they do I will be sure to have the 2010 human rights act to hand!

Beautiful words by a beautiful man . . . .

A short video by a man called Decker Moss, its moving, emotional and honest and basically sums up the way I think the world should be!

We all have a roll to play in making that happen, even if the only thing we do is more aware of the frequency we use pronouns – is there a time when instead of saying good girl / boy we could simply say good job? Why do we as a society feel the need to re-affirm each others gender constantly!?

And then there were four!

Less than a year ago I was a lone Web surfer looking for help or guidance about how I should bring up my gender non-conforming child, I felt lost, lonely and confused.

Since then I met my lovely friend who has a MTF daughter – it was great to realise that I was not alone and that other parents feel and deal the same as me.

Today we became four – four women from four different walks of life, four different children, four different ages and two different genders. We met, we chatted and although we are all at different stages of the journey we all felt the unity, the togetherness and the weight that is lifted when you share your own experiences with others.

Today was a good day!

Wow what a week . . . .

So this week after shamelesly promoting myself online an amazing thing happened . . . . I actually inspired someone else to detail her own journey!

The main reason I started this blog was in the hope of helping other family’s, when I was initially struggling to come to terms with Ben being Ben I endlessly searched the net for help / advice and found it very difficult to find real life stories. I found a couple of ancient US blogs but there seemed nothing in the UK, nothing current, nothing real – I was not ready to join a parents forum, I didn’t feel comfortable putting myself out there. I just wanted to read others stories from the comfort of my trusty sofa and be reassured that what I was going through, what Ben was going through was okay . . . . I didn’t find it.

I have changed that now for others and I feel extremely proud!

We have set a date for our first parent support group (yikes!) more info on that to follow!

I was also lucky enough to watch Ben interact with a new friend who came to play today, she is MTF (male to female) and the same age as Ben. Before they arrived I told Ben that the little girl who was coming to play was just like him, she used to be a boy and is now a girl – I could tell straight away that he was happy about the meeting. When she arrived it was like they had known each other forever, kindred spirits, they ran off and played – I found them in a tent, in a den just chatting – they now want to see each other every day! I am so happy about the way our journey has been so far and I am now strong enough to build the bonds between myself and other family’s. I know that is not as easy for some and that I / we are very lucky but I hope that my strength can help support others who need it.

Long may our new found friendship continue.

Thank you!

Wow,

I totally hate self promotion but this week I got the first comment on my blog and it was from a total stranger – I was so moved by his words that I decided to share on facebook with my friends and family and the response was amazing! Over 90 people viewed the blog that day alone and people wrote the most beautiful words mostly about me as a parent . . . . for once it wasn’t all about Ben, it was actually about me and it felt good! It is moments like that that make you realize that you are doing the best thing, it keeps all those paranoid ghosts at bay and makes you feel on top of the world.

Thank you, thank you to me wonderful friends, my wonderful family, thank you to the people aropund us who are making our lives easier and thank you to the man who gave me my first ever bloggers comment – honestly you don’t know how much it meant, well actually now you do ha!  x

Gay rights age 5!

Proud mummy moment that happened recently!

B came home from school the other day telling me that he had been involved in an argument with a couple of friends because they had told him that he was not allowed to marry a boy, they said boys cant marry boys and girls cant marry girls – B was horrified that they didn’t know they were wrong!

Its sad that so many children even in this day and age are still stuck in the 1920’s but people like Ben are a shining light, helping others understand the world in a different way and accepting others for who they are.

The end result was the teacher setting the record straight and the following day one of the other boys offering a proposal of marriage!

Gay rights age five, you’ve got to love it!